Am I this generation?

It worries me if I am, because I don't think I share the views of these Organization Kids. I am the outsider. I know a lot of people, however, who I think would be under this social classification.

Well, I've got 10 minutes until I want to go to sleep. Whatever, that can wait. I have too much on my mind. So, let's begin with the little good news I have for today... that being in spite of the fact that I dropped to second place in my economics class' stock contest today, I'm back at first I believe, and what's more, I found an amazing new news source which will give me an edge over everybody else.

Moving on, I also spent a good deal of time yesterday writing 4 pages of good evidence about how Steinbeck is pushing a communist Agenda in the Grapes of Wrath, only to find out that it's probalby only worth 20 or 50 points, when I need something like a million to raise my grade up to the point where I don't get figuratively decapitated by my parents come the end of the term.

Today after school, I went over to a friends house, and we were talking, and so I started spouting of some crazy ideas about some crazy stuff, namely the practice of burying dead people, and some aspects which didn't make sense to me in why, stemming from As I Lay Dying, which has caused me to develop a deep hatred for Faulkner because I don't get his fucking book. Anyhow, when we were talking about burial practices, my friends explained to me that I've got a deeply warped view of the world. Whatever. Fuck them, fuck that, I don't care. I haven't lived long enough to have well formed ideas anyway. And no, don't ask about what my views are. I've further reinforced in my mind that in any and all situations I express my thoughts, they will be met with criticism and disregard, as opposed to questions as to why, and suggestions for change.

Ok, so moving on... I've decided that school discourages me from doing work outside of school. Thanks to the school providing me with an endless source of work and anxiety, I can justify to myself abandoning projects I used to pursue for my own learning and enjoyment.

How's life aside from school? I was asked this today. My immediate answer: My life is school, what are you talking about? Although this isn't entirely true, it certainly feels like it is sometimes. I think that characterizes how things are going pretty well.

I feel obligated. I always have this looming feeling that I'm supposed to be doing something else, that I'm not, and it's really overwhelming sometimes. I wish I could just sit back and let the world pass me by, while I had a great time watching it.

But I can't.

Yeah, what a productive use of my time... ok, so here's what's going on:

I have a whole lot of reading to do these next few days / due tomorrow. I also am winning my economics class' stock game. That's right, an incredible comeback from 2nd to last, to FIRST PLACE!!! Ahem, booyeah.

So, I'd really like to write more, but unfortunately I need to go read some more communistic propoganda in the form of The Grapes of Wrath. I'm not entirely convinced that Steinbeck wrote it to be a communist book, but if my english teacher tells me, and I don't have a good case to argue with, I'll believe anything. I have a really bad grade I need to bring up. Hence my unequstioning belief in whatever my english teacher says. I realize fully the foolishness of my ways, however, I am too tired and uninterested to fight the good fight and argue against assignments I think shouldn't have been assigned.

I also have a play review to write tonight, along with the eventual revision of a "sports" story which is actually a "news" story for the newspaper (and of course, I got points off for not writing in news story style because it was categorized as a sports story by none other than the teacher himself. ARGH).