Saturday, January 20, 2001
But there's not much more I can say about this topic, simply because I don't care that much. Unfortunately, because a large number of people are going, or have preexisting plans, I've got little/nothing to do tonight, with the exception of homework. This sucks. There's nothing going on in school out of the ordinary. My life is in some sort of rut. I feel that every day is the same, I'm even mistaking some days for others because of their total lack of uniqueness. When I try to think what I did over the last week, I have one unifying thought, and that is a blur. A vague and fuzzy memory of going to school every day, and then going home to spend a couple hours doing homework, and then spending the rest of the night doing nothing productive. This also tends to result in more time spent online, because the internet is the ultimate procrastinator's tool, in that it allows limitless distraction.
I'm sure I'm rambling here, so I guess I'm just going to go queue up some mp3s to download, and find something better to do with my time.
Wednesday, January 17, 2001
You yourself said that because most of your friends are either going with dates, or not going at all, that you might end up being left out. You could dance, yes, but is it worth 12 bucks and dressing up to go and dance somewhere else? I mean, I just don't get your motivation for going. It's probably just me, and everybody will probably tell me in the near future, either in school to my face, via email or via the discuss button here why I'm wrong.... but that's how I see it. I'm too socially inept to see more.
First, I will establish the variables.
K = knowledge
M = money
P = power
T = time
W = work
Second, I shall present some given equations.
T = M (as given by the well known adage)
K = P (as given by the well known adage)
P = W / T (this is an equation learned in physics)
Now, the following manipulations are performed…
P = W / T |
Given |
K = W / T |
Substitution |
K = W / M |
Substitution |
MK = W |
M x both sides |
M = W / K |
Both sides / K |
Given a constant W, we can get the following equation:
The implications of this equation are quite far reaching. Simply put, it means that if you take any two people, and set them to the same task, and the both put in the same amount of work, the one with the lesser knowledge, will come out with more money.
In simpler terms, the stupider you are, the more money you get.
I can't claim credit, however, for thinking this up. I was provided this interesting concept by none other than the infamous Mr. Gaumond, the math teacher who taught me pre and AP Calculus.Tuesday, January 16, 2001
Usually, I end up asking myself this during some extremely irritating piece of homework, and I keep on thinking that I should be having fun instead of doing a project that will have no future bearing whatsoever on my life.
Then I remember how most of the things I think will have no future bearing on my life end up having some sort of future bearing. Then I think if I do end up having fun during that time, I might be worse off in the future. So where do I draw the line between screwing around and having some youthful fun, at the potential cost of future success, or buckling down, and getting the work done so as to avoid having to worry about things in the future, such as having a place to live, or food to eat.
Fundamentally, I'm always asking myself one question. "Is whatever I'm doing right now high enough quality to get me to where I want to be in the future? Not above, because that would be wasted effort, not below because I don't want to miss my target, but in the niche I want to be in, and what niche is that?"
Too often I answer myself "This is not high enough quality to get where you want to be, even though you don't know where you want to be. You hate responsibility and expectations, so you subconsciously force yourself into turning in poor quality work, but in doing so, you condemn yourself to probably going to a college where you'll be surrounded by your inferiors, in which you'll breeze through, and end up in a low responsibility, and correspondingly low pay job, and you'll hate your life, but, you'd rather fuck around and enjoy your time instead of getting your work done, so fuck it." Only in less words, and not physically answering myself.
So now I'm torn between changing my approach to work and life, and my preexisting tendencies towards procrastination, laziness, and all consuming apathy.
Monday, January 15, 2001
So I wonder, do I want to know these people, or I do I want to spend the time getting to know those people, instead developing my already lacking social life and interactions with people I see every day.
I started out running, just charging into the snow. Eventually I found this tree, at the top of a little cliff, and I just sat down, and waited. Where I was, I couldn't see any houses, I couldn't hear the road, the only sign of civilization that was within the realm of my perception was the occasional plane engine I heard flying overhead. It was beautiful. I sat there, eating my bagel, drinking grape juice, and not caring about anything at all.
After I finished eating, I just got up and walked. I didn't walk all that far, because after a while, I found a small clearing, with no trees, and I just fell backwards and closed my eyes. I lied there for a while, I have no idea how long. I actually fell asleep for a few minutes, but was awakened by a chunk of snow that fell onto my face from some tree. After that, I just stayed there, lying in the snow. Staring at the sky. There's something majestic about pine trees in winter. I was lying there, looking into the canopy of a pine tree, dusted with snow, and it just stood there, waving in the breeze. Eventually I started wondering how long I'd been out in the snow, seeing as I did fall asleep. At that point, I grabbed my stuff, and just headed back. In walking back, I decided a couple times to jump, for no reason, down some steep slopes, and let myself tumble to the bottom, and it was fun.
When I got back, it just stopped. Back to the real world. Back to homework. Back to boredom. Back to all the things that I have to deal with every day that I don't really want to have in my life.
When I say I haven't had an experience like that since about 8 years ago... here's what I mean. Before I was 8, I could do anything. I didn't worry about stuff like homework, I didn't care about what was going to happen tomorrow, because I was too busy having fun today. When I look back, I realize that as I've gotten older, I've spent more and more time agonizing about how I'm not having fun, but I'm not going to have any less work as time goes on. I'm definitely in need of a major outlook on life change.
But now, I've got to go back to my homework.
Sunday, January 14, 2001
please leave suggestions for topics for a random short story I could write for a small schoolwide publication using the "discuss" link below.